Saturday, November 10, 2007

10 November 2007

I didn't post yesterday, it was a sad day for me with lots of sad memories. My Mom passed away at age 43 on this day 27 years ago and my first marriage ended in divorce on this day 23 years ago. Not a great date. What makes it harder is that I have no personal possessions or photos from my life prior to USA because it was just not possible to bring them all over, the costs are prohibitive. I lost a lot of my possessions from growing up when I left Zimbabwe at age 25 because we were not allowed to leave the country with anything other than our clothes and 500 Rand which is the South African currency. The government thought it would stop people leaving and taking money and possessions out of the country, whole nother story which I dont want to get into now. Then after 15 years in South Africa I put what I had collected into storage and headed to London. I tried to take some of my precious stuff there with me but was limited to what would fit into my luggage and stay within the weight limit. Needless to say most of it is still sitting there now and the friend who I had there and who moved to England with me has subsequently dissappeared and wont get into contact so I cant arrange to have the possessions in England at least, sent over here.

It sometimes feels very lonely here, no friends, family or familiar comforts and it is hard so this has been part of my dilemma on top of the situation with the horse market and other animals for that matter and the uncaring and cruel attitudes of a lot of the human race.

I am very grateful for my blogging buddies here, I really enjoy hearing from you and it feels like I have known you all forever, I hope that one day we can meet up in person. In the meantime I hope you will all carry on visiting and bear with me while I work throught this difficult confusing time. You are all in my thoughts every day.
Today's picture is one I shot back in February, I have already probably posted it around then but it was prompted today when I drove past the Elk farm which I thought had closed because a few months ago I went past and there was not an animal in sight. Today there were quite a few, still not as many as back then but there were a few with really beautiful sets of horns, not sure when they lose them, but of course I didnt have my camera so I am going to try to get photos of them tomorrow if the light is good. They are so majestic, when we drove past there was one male a few feet from the fence standing with his head in perfect light, it would have made a stunning image, I will have to keep that one etched in my mind as I have so many others that I missed catching on camera.
Sorry it is such a dreary post today, I will try to perk up and hopefully if I get some nice shots tomorrow I will be able to post them. ((((Hugs)))) to you all.


Strawberry Lane said...

Wonderful photo of the elk. How majestic they look.

I understand so much how you feel about the loss of your mother. It never goes away. I now put flowers on my kitchen counter on her birthday and on the day she died. It makes the day special with memories. Somehow, it makes me feel closer to her.

Not having things from your childhood would be difficult. But you have your memories, those are with you forever and more valuable than anything.

The history you are making now will be the things you will have in the future to tie things together.

I hope something truly wonderful happens for you on that day in Nov. next year. It will be a gift from your mother.

You have such a wonderful talent for photography and that brings happiness to many people, especially me.


Anonymous said...

Hi Lori,

If I told you I was absolutely "stunned" would you believe me?

I am stunned. I just thought you were born and raised in nearby Indiana. I had to idea much less any clues that you had ever been farther away than maybe Indianapolic.

Gosh. What a life.

You have landed in the lap of luxury compared to where you once were not that many years ago. To lose family and friends and possessions is hard to deal with and I don't think we ever get over it.

I sometimes talk to my mom who died a number of years ago. I will never be able to forget how long my dad has been dead because he died in June 1955 and Patty and I were married in July 1955. I sometimes think of my dad and the life he led and remember he never smacked me, kicked me or spoke in a loud, enraged voice.

My mom, in contrast, would try to kill me with everything from shovels to dish rags. I don't think it was ever intentional but always blind rage over really dumb stuff.

Those are memories of mine. You have memories too. Don't forget them. Say you mom's name often. She isn't forgotten when you speak her name.

I will do my best to be more compassionate in the future. I love horses, as you know and I have a special place in my heart for anyone who cares for animals.

This old man's post brought tears on this Veteran's Day but not because I am a Korean War era veteran.
The Squirrel's Nest

CG said...

Dear Lori, I wished so much on reading your post that there was some magic machine that could allow me to visit you, just to give you a hug. I miss my mum so much too and it's hard when there is no-one around who remembers you as a child. It must be very hard to have your possessions left behind too. Is there anything i can do to help you get them back? Please let me know.
I hope one day we'll meet, I really do. {{{HUGS}}}

isabella said...

To quote our great philosopher, Minnie Driver (!):

"There is absolutely no point in sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself. The great power you have is to let go ... focus on what you have, no that, which has been mean or unkindly removed."

And as much as I mock her, I think she has a point. Everyone gets lonely sometimes, and we all have hardships but the point is to be grateful for what we have.

So, snap out of it, girl ;-) Go play with your animals - I know that always works for me. And you are not alone, we are here for you...

Oh, yeah, love the photos, too!

Mike said...


I read your post with much interest today, in fact I had to go for my evening walk before i could sit down and write a comment.

I know that you probably don't need a comment and that you probably just need to talk and have someone listen. I guess that is what I am trying to say in my limited way.

I lost my mom about 15 years ago to cancer. My dad followed her about 10 years later. I know how you feel.

As for your "things" just remember they are things. They do hold a lot of memories but otherwise can be replaced for the most part. I know photos and such can't except with those in your mind.

I am probably rambling more than I the picture. I went by an elk farm in southern Colorado.

Take care,


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